Redefining productivity....and another lesson in perfection.

Damn perfection. It's so easy to speak the words- how it doesn't exist and the beauty is actually in the imperfections, but do I really believe these words that spill from my lips so easily, and sound so convincing? Honestly, in my heart of hearts?
No, I don't.  Because like every other person that gives a darn about making people happy, nice things, feeling accomplished, or just doing a good job, I care.  Nevertheless, perfection somehow creeps its naughty little legs into the scenario and messes up all the good intentions.

Case in point- Oskar's first birthday.

I have spent the last two days agonizing over the event that was a flash before my eyes.  It pains me to think that because of this powerful driving force we cheerfully call perfection, I chose the details. All homemade food, flowers, an owl from the wildlife rehabilitation center, clay hand prints, plates, blueberries placed on the cake.

Where was my little birthday boy while I was being defeated by perfection?

The real bummer of the day was that Peter was sick and couldn't join the party.  I know he was really disappointed to miss Oskar's first birthday.  Would I choose being a freaky mama over missing the party entirely?  Yes.  :)

It burns my insides to think I fell for it again...I know better.  Life is too damn short.

...And to add insult to injury- the owl was a no show.
...Add even more insult to an already terribly injured mama- the kids that were at the party got sick the next day.   Bad, bad, bad....

Happy birthday, little one.

On a brighter note, I am pleased to have redefined productivity.  A paradigm shift, if you will.  I am applying my "more is less" and "quality over quantity" philosophy to my ideas on productivity.  Going back to the list...
What are my top top priorities and how do I fulfill my intentions and commitments to those priorities?
Reevaluating and/or honoring their authenticity.
Believing constantly.
I will say that I find myself in somewhat of a limbo.  One minute I apply this weird hard ass approach- accept nothing less (a carry over from sports perhaps?) and the next minute I apply the "you're doing the best you can" philosophy (which has never really settled well) I need to just do what comes natural...what ever that is on any given day.

PS.  Oskar had a great time at his party.